Breaking News: The EX ISN’T Your Biggest Problem

Living in a blended family is a true trial & test for your marriage. The pressure continually keeps growing and you can’t remember the last time you were IN your comfort zone. 

As a young American woman who doesn’t speak Dutch (the language of the land she lives in), Chey knows all too well how it feels when you join a family and you’re the ‘new’ one, aka “the odd one” out. 

She’s also had experiences where she’s felt unwelcome by some people who refuse to speak her language when Chey indicated that she didn’t understand. 

We know that there are times, when your biggest enemy or person who attacks you personally, could be the same person causing conflict in your family home. 

Didn’t like someone 

Unfortunately, if you’re a step mom reading this & you are shaking your head YES (like, I TOTALLY get it), it’s probably not the first time that you’ve experienced pain from the ex doing “this”, whatever it is, you can fill in the blank here.  
Did she not come to pick up her children?

Did she say something to your stepchildren to get in between you?

Are you the one doing all the hard work of raising her child(ren), while she gets all the credits, undeservingly? 

After some time, she may become your ‘squeaky wheel’; as you’re cruising along doing life, she’s this annoying ‘squeaky sound’ that follows you everywhere you go. 

And between women, there is bound to always be some competition. 

(Sometimes, we get it. There’s no other choice than to do something LEGAL.)

Source of all misery

It’s natural to feel a little competitive if that person is repeatedly taking your spouse away from you. Sometimes it’s only being physically away, but more and more, there’s an emotional distance too, which is even harder to live with.

Is it true? Is this other woman the source of all “your misery?”

If she would only just go away, wouldn’t all your problems be solved?

In those circumstances, it’s easy to see someone that is the “cause for all your trouble”. 

Even though, deep down, you may know it’s not 100 % her fault every time there’s a disturbance in your family. She just comes on top of everything else, time and again. 

In life, there are moments that our emotions take over, and in those situations our first response could be to seek blame with the ex – and find. 


If you find yourself continually thinking this way, nothing good can come from the path you’re on. 
Let me ask you a question: if now you’ve got some resentment growing deep within you, and you don’t want to allow that to take over your heart, do you? 

Since we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them, if you want a different result, you first must do something else. 

Is it worth it? Is she worth it?

Acknowledging within yourself that there might be some truth in there, is the first & most important step to break this downward spiral. The mental shift that it allows is that you are never a victim. 

woman in white tank top sitting on ground

You have within you the power to take ownership and focus on what you can now own what you do & what you CAN do. 


When you let go of ‘feeling angry’ and take responsibility, you can see how YOU have allowed this behavior.

Here’s two more good questions for your soul:

How am I respecting my own boundaries? 

Am I a good friend to myself? 

photo of girl hugging her mom while doing yoga pose

Change on the outside starts with a change on your inside. 
The more you connect to your core and heart, then peace and love will reign in your life. 

And then you’ll find that she doesn’t have to bother you – that much

Now you can take it. 

So, who is it really? 

The more negativity we see, the more negativity we will see; it only gets bigger. 

In this blog, we wanted to show you that you yourself own the key to your happiness 

Sometimes we discuss ideas like “imagine how life would be if we can get out of our own way”. 

If you want to check out how you can free your home from the ex and co-create your own, unique family together with your spouse, then click here. 

Is everything really the exes fault? Find out when you click the link above!

We love you guys….Tot Ziens (See you later),

Kim & Chey

PS. We also know, sometimes the ONLY thing we can change in life, is ourselves

YOU CAN adapt a healthier mindset when it comes to your role as a stepmother in your family…but don’t do it alone! Allow me to guide you here.

Published by Kim & Cheyanne Cleyman

We're a blended & Belgian-American couple who helps couples in stepfamilies to co-create a family & home that feels like happily ever after

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