Already in 5 short months, I’ve learned so much of mothering is a process of letting go & surrendering 💕
Some happen right away; where others happen slowly over time 🥰
In my 3rd day as a mama, I experienced – what was to me – A devastating blow & realized that my body wouldn’t produce enough milk for my son to be exclusively breastfed & I would have to supplement with formula
I immediately burst into tears with my husband & Mid Wife 🤰🏼 holding me close, as I had to let go of a lifelong dream 😔
Thankfully, my body produced some milk & I was able to still breastfeed my son before every bottle-feeding 🍼
A few months later, it was clear that as my boy was growing, my milk 🥛 wasn’t sufficient for him any more & he began mostly going to my breast for comfort ❤️
Then, without notice or any expectation, when we came back from Florida in August, at 4 months old my son decided he was even done using my breast for comfort & refused my breasts altogether ☹️
That was another few days of letting go & surrendering! I never understood it before I went through it myself, but breastfeeding 🤱🏻 is an absolutely beautiful journey & bonding time with your baby!
I was still determined to give everything I could & I continued to pump for the next month. I was only getting an ounce here or there – but it was worth it!
I called it my “super liquid gold medicine” to our boy 💪
And now, just this week after several pumping sessions for half an hour or more, I’ve discovered that I am officially all dried up & at the end of my breastfeeding journey with Mason
Whew. Some more tears 😭
Sad AND happy ones
I was very thankful for the time that I WAS able to breastfeed & that’s what I’m choosing to focus on- I know some women also have the desire to do so & never get to
Will I get to breastfeed again?
I sure hope so 🙂
During this challenging journey with the breastfeeding, I have discovered, along with the guidance of my midwives, that I may have a condition known as ”BREAST HYPOPLASIA”
Basically, I would have insufficient glandular tissue – which is the “milk 🥛 making” tissue inside your breasts
Which crazy enough – gave me some comfort
On one hand, I was frustrated with my body 😡
But then, realising I was born that way & couldn’t do anything about it, it gave me a peace ☮️- that no matter how many times I pumped, did skin to skin, ate all the oatmeal, flaxseed, Brewer’s yeast, took the fenugreek, thought the happy 😃thoughts- that my body, just wasn’t built to produce the way other women’s was
So, I now LET GO of one journey – and move on to the next. Feeding 🥘 our boy with organic formula, letting him slowly learn to feed himself (baby led weaning), and embrace the joy that is IN mothering
It’s still the greatest adventure & dream come true. Breastfeeding 🤱🏻 , or NOT 😍