Ever heard someone say this to you: “Ugh, I married the WRONG person.”
Or, just maybe, you’ve also heard yourself say these words or THINK them inside your head.
We’d like to radically combat that thought with the fact/thought that actually, you’re correct. EVERYONE DOES marry the wrong person.
So, if everyone marries the wrong person – what is the point of being married? How can anyone know that when they do get married or want to get married, they made the RIGHT decision?
When we were in the season of preparing for marriage ourselves, we came across this wisdom, from someone many more years ahead than us in life AND in marriage, that stated everyone marries the wrong person – because NO ONE, will ever be right or make you happy 100% of the time.
In fact, we TOO are the wrong person for our spouse. Instead of this bringing worry or pain, we hope you can, as we did, feel a sense of relief in this.
If you as a couple can come to this realization together, then you have a strong foundation to build a healthy & fortified marriage and family on.
Where no one’s spouse is going to be perfect inside a marriage, neither will you be. Marriage, not necessarily your spouse, will reveal the cracks with yourself.
Your marriage doesn’t create the cracks, but more so, REVEALS them.
THIS is confronting, challenging and can feel overwhelming. However, we encourage you to lean into those moments. Go to one another for support, and safety when you begin to discover the “not-so-great” parts of yourself.
In life, we don’t often know the innermost & deepest parts of ourselves until a challenge arises that makes us confront that part face-to-face. But the beauty & silver lining in all of this is what is then revealed can then be HEALED.
We have a mission for those of you reading this today. When you find yourself just “sick of the way” your spouse does things or “hate how you feel” after he/she does this, we have some questions we’d like you to ask yourself…
- What about their behavior brings something out of you that you don’t like?
- What unspoken expectations do you have on your spouse?
- How can you communicate your true feelings better so your spouse can fully understand where you are coming from?
- To spouses to witness their spouse hurting – how can you be a safety net of love and understanding without judgement or placing guilt/shame on them?
We know – these are HARD questions! But these are the ones that MATTER. If you can honestly answer these questions first, with yourself, and then process them openly with your spouse, you’ll witness your intimacy flourish and your healing begin.
Let us know how this blog resonated with you over on our Instagram @TheCleymans!
-Kim & Cheyanne Cleyman