We didn’t know going in that marriage would be such a great teacher. We knew we would learn a lot about each other, but perhaps the most surprisingly, and sometimes alarming, was how much marriage would teach us about ourselves. Marriage has been the greatest mirror in both of our lives. We thought we knew ourselves better than anyone else, and then marriage stepped in, and revealed things to us we had no idea were there. Instead of this being frightening or depilitating, it gave us both the opportunity to become better than we ever were before we were married. Today, we’re going to shine a light on how marriage can be the highway to your best self. When taken as a conscious step, marriage can be the vehicle that transports you to the destination of you becoming the best you ever could be.
When we commit to marriage, we do so for life. It’s like a highway, we ride all life long. We know first hand that their are times it doesn’t feel like a highway, but maybe more like a bumpy back country road…continually trying to to evade the traps & pot holes along the way. However, marriage can also bring out and show our best selves too. We can be our totally real selves in marriage because of the unconditional love that is there.
It’s very scary – cause we see parts of ourselves we never saw before. We are confronted with parts of ourselves we don’t like. We know it’s very easy to blame others, to seek fault…often it’s our first gut reaction. Despite these reflections we see that we don’t like, they often indicate that we’re probably on the path to our best self. Our struggles are a one way ticket to our best selves.
It’s easy to do the things that aren’t healthy in the long run.
When it comes to our daily diet, it’s very easy to have the crappy food, it’s not easy to count calories and balance your macros. We know that it’s harder to follow a healthy diet. It’s far harder to get up early rather than sleep in.
However, the things that pay off in the long run are always harder to do. In a marriage, it’s easier to blame our spouse of making us feel a certain way. It’s harder to not take things personally and act in a constructive manner – and to do so consistently.
But, when we do catch ourselves thinking destructively – and remind ourselves and bring our attention to the fact that we’re married to the love of our lives and we need to play better than the level we’re currently playing at, that’s where the real magic happens. That’s when we control our emotions and don’t let them control us…or our marriage.
Blame won’t take us to our happily ever after.
What do we need to do? Control our thoughts. Our words. Our actions. Our emotions. Act constructively. We need to develop a mindset of, “it’s not just about me, and my personality and my ego, but “us.” This greater cause that is more important than my own.”
Marriage does a good job at putting a spotlight on the areas we’re uncomfortable with – but it also gives you the opportunity to become more humble and patient. We can learn to speak more kindly to our spouse and it’ll translate into the rest of your life – as a parent, co-worker, family member and etc.
This is not easy – if it was then everyone would be doing it. There would be less divorces. We have to bring our best selves to the table if we want to achieve these things and have a marriage that lasts.
Form a mentality of “WE”
Ever thought of it this way: “When we get better, I get better?” In our marriage, we’ve become better at communication – listening to what each other is saying, and what we’re not saying, and better at expressing oneself, especially in a kind way.
Marriage forces you to get in touch with yourself. When approaching difficult conversations, we’d encourage you to ask yourself: what am I feeling, wanting and needing in this situation? You realise you can only survive so long, by putting your needs completely aside. By holding them back, you may be unintentionally allowing bitterness to set in.
You’ve heard us say – marriage is like a mirror – because it or your spouse will reflect back to you an image you don’t always see. If we chose to look at that image, without judgement, and see, this is where I am at, we can also ask ourselves the powerful question of how can I navigate this differently? You could even dare to look at your spouse and say, “Thanks baby, I didn’t know this about myself.” We can now bring attention and intention to this area, and how you want to navigate your own thoughts moving forward.
We can’t control what thoughts comes, only what we do with them. We can ask ourselves, however, how can these thoughts better serve the greater purpose for my marriage. They can actually be used for the betterment of your marriage. We stand by the statement that “It’s ok to disagree, but not to disrespect.”
So perhaps, to start – ask yourself – how do I become my best self? What does that mean? For us, it enables us to engage in our problem solving capabilities. How can we overcome? How can we stay solution focused – now, a week later and a year later? By asking ourselves these questions and seeking out the answers honestly and patiently, we get to grow character.
How can I help my spouse get better?
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself: how can I make sure my spouse gets better every single day? If you haven’t yet, we encourage you to take on that challenge TODAY. We, as married couples, get the opportunity to help our spouse become their best self. Whether it’s to make sure our spouse eats healthy, goes to bed early, sends out that resume and etc., we can help set them up for success. Indirectly, we get to feed into a healthy & happy marriage where we both can thrive.
In order to do this, it also means checking in with your spouse: “How are you doing?” And sometimes saying, “No, how are you really doing?” Allowing your spouse to be real, authentic and open is one of the best gifts we could ever give them.
We know that in marriage, none of this is given. You have to choose these things. You have to tune in to what brings out the best in your spouse and your marriage. Marriage has the opportunity to make you more patient, more self aware and become more selfless.
For this to happen, we must bring that attention and intention to our everyday life and choices. We must mindfully aim to create a habit out of it. It is possible – it’s in the small, details every single day. That’s when it becomes a highway – it becomes a smoother ride, when you work together. The two of you continually becoming one.
Marriage has the opportunity to bring your most loved to their best self.
Remember, you’re on the same team. You get to bring out each other’s best selves. One of the best ways to help yourself grow is to help your spouse grow. We can only get better by shining the light in the darkness.
If you’re specifically struggling in this area, we created a program that teaches exactly how to do all these things listed above. It helps you to create a solid foundation to build your happy and healthy life upon. It takes away all the guess work, bypasses all the trial and error & heartbreaks and disillusions, and won’t have you worrying where your marriage is going. Let’s lay out the groundwork, and build a foundation, for you and your spouse to become the greatest versions of yourselves that you were meant to be.
A power couple that you need, your kids needs, your family needs, and the world needs.
E-mail us for details on our next launch at: Hello@CleymanYourBestLife.com
You can also get started right away by reading our other blog post where we , in detail, help you both better & more effectively communicate in just 3 days time. Who doesn’t want that, right?!
We’re in your corner. See you soon!
-Kim & Cheyanne Cleyman