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How to remain connected in your marriage

Even when you see each other less

Job changes. 

New sports & activity schedules with the kids.

Work trips. 

Deployments. 

Connected in your marriage? That’s hard to add in the midst of all of that.

Whatever it is, there are seasons in many marriages where there is a shift that causes both spouses to see each other less than they’re typically used too. We are in a season like that right now. Where we used to see each other almost 24/7, working from home together, Kim now works outside the home, and we see each other far less than we used to. 

The ample amount of time we used to have before, we can’t rely on anymore. Our time together is now limited – and inside that time, we need to not only try to fit in romance, but discussions about the kids, the family, the house, bills and so much etc.! So, how do we make sure that we don’t lose connection when our time is not always guaranteed together anymore? 

We have 3 tips for you and your spouse, that we’ve started to use, that we believe could become very useful for you and your spouse too, to see how to remain connected in your marriage.

Schedule specific times for just the two of you 

Even if on some days, it’s only 10 min in between dinner and homework with the kids, or alone together in bed, make a designated time where it’s just the two of you. While you both are passing each other in the fast, hustle-in-bustle in the home, those are not the times you wan’t to bring up important things or pour out your heart. Timing is everything and where it’s important you have time to discuss the kids & etc, it’s also important you make time to just talk and spend time on just the two of you. 

Find time to laugh together again – even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, to remain connected in your marriage.

Communicate your sexual needs 

Sexual connection during this time can also suffer as there’s potentially less time AND energy to “get it on.” Instead of becoming frustrated in the lack of frequency or speed in which it needs to happen, focus on what you do have together. This is where it’s abundantly important for you both to explicitly communicate your needs with one another and not let things go unspoken. In busy seasons, there can be hours and even days before you get to properly talk about things with your spouse – especially about the bedroom – and you don’t want resentment or bitterness to build up. 

Need help figuring out exactly HOW to have challenging conversations like this? Read a recent blog we wrote about this EXACT subject & learn how to effectively communicate with your spouse, no matter what the topic

Put up boundaries 

Yep, we said the B word….no, not THAT one, but boundaries! We’ve seen so many couples are either scared of them or confused about what boundaries are for a relationship. The ones we are bringing up here is are the activities you used to enjoy together and individually when you had more time together. In a season where you and your spouse see each other less, it’s important to take an assessment of those things and see if, during this time, they’re still a good investment of your time and energy.

Whether it be a weekly girl’s night out, a basketball night with the guys, a 2-hour workout session, or a weekly hour-long phone call with your mom, it’s time to ask yourself what you can shift to make sure you and your spouse remain a priority. It doesn’t mean these things have to go away or stop forever – however, we all must ask ourselves what is most important. Some of these activities may be good for our physical & mental health, however, if they leave us no time for our spouse, we need to make sure, for the health & strength of our marriage, that we either temporarily pause these activities or, when possible, include our spouse in on them. 

Draw a line in the sand and put up boundaries to remain connected in your marriage.

We know that any shift in schedules can put pressure on a marriage.

We’d encourage you that when these shift, and the unforeseeable challenges us, seek to pull together with your spouse and figure out a solution together. Remember, you two are teammates. Working together on a solution for intentional time together can immediately increase the connection you have and the intimacy you share. 

Don’t feel you ever have to do this alone! Come join our FREE FB group, the Vow Keepers, for wives just like you who want to grow their wife skills, keep their marriage strong & increase their connection, communication and intimacy with their husbands!

See you there, 

Cheyanne and Kim 

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