Why You Should Care
“Give love a chance. It can’t be love without communication and communication is best when it’s done in love.”-Cheyanne Cleyman
Communication is one of the top Googled words on the internet. People want to know, how can I get better at it? Maybe you’ve even desired that yourself. But, how the heck do we get there? Maybe we should first take a few steps back and define it. When we know what it’s supposed to be, perhaps we can then effectively work towards doing it better. Today, we’re going to share with you exactly the importance of effective communication in marriage and why you should care. Be prepared to get clear on what you really want from communication and how you can go about it…let’s do this!
So, what does communication even mean? Importance of Effective Communication In Marriage
First and foremost, we’re going to get a little nerdy with you. The word “communication” is actually a combination of 3 different words, derived from Latin.
From a linguistic view, these 3 words are:
So, what’s the big deal here? Let’s look at them all individually.
The word “com” actually means “with.” Like the word computer or community, it points to a meaning of doing an action or completing a task “with” something. Pretty cool, right?
The word “muni” gets even better. When doing research for this blog, we found out that “muni” actually has 23 different meanings. Where we promise not to list them all right here, there were a few that kept coming back to around the same meaning. Overall, “muni” means “to build, to fortify, to strengthen, to protect, or to defend.”
How powerful that “to protect with” & “to strengthen with” is communication at its essence. If we bring that kind of intention to our daily communication with our spouse, imagine how much better our understanding of one another could become.
And lastly, the “ation” part of communication refers to a “process”. This means that it’s something that is ongoing. Communication is something we will either just “do” at one time or eventually perfect. If anything, this part of communication should encourage us and give us permission to fail, make mistakes and learn from them. Like any “process” in life, it takes time for us to unlearn old habits, adapt and learn new ones, and add them into our daily lives.
Ok, so if that’s what communication is…how do we actually do it?
Is communication a goal to reach for or only something we intentionally set out to “do”? In fact, it’s not a desired outcome, it’s something that’s there all the time. We may be married, but communication is a means or a “vessel” with how we go about our marriage. We can’t “not” not communicate. Even when we don’t speak, we are clearly communicating another message altogether. Most experts say that over 70%, to as much as 93%, of all our communication is nonverbal. So, perhaps we could look at it as little as 7% of our communication is what’s not being said. If we want to be better at communication, we need to place our focus on what’s not being said. We also should focus on becoming aware of what our nonverbals are speaking to our husband.
One big mistake we often see wives make is trying to drop hints to their husbands about things they want, instead of being more direct.
Listen to this recent podcast episode or read the blog post where we help wives communicate effectively exactly what they want and expect from their husbands – in a way that’s easy and non-stressful for them both.
I’ve got it. I know what communication is and how to do it. But, now what?
Remember, communication is a process. As we learned above, the “ation” part of communication itself refers to a “process”. It’s something we do and live out. It’s not something we will ever stop or reach a finish line. There is always more…when we reach one mountain peak, it’ll be time to go after another.
As it’s normal for people in relationships to drift apart, we must continually build the bridge, and fortify and strengthen, and keep the roads of communication open. Communication is something we should always optimize and seek to get better at. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. The only way you’ll get better at anything is to try out new things, and see what works for you and your spouse. There is no wrong way to communicate, the only wrong was is by not doing it altogether.
Ultimately, our best advice on communication for couples is to keep coming together.
As “two-become-one” in a marriage, it’s a process. Stay curious with one another. Don’t assume how your spouse is thinking or how they will react. That can get us nowhere very fast.
If you’re struggling with the “art” of communication and bringing this alive in your own marriage, we have the perfect next step for you.
If you’d like to communicate better and healthier with your husband, and have a deeper intimacy and stronger connection with him, come join us in our free Facebook group, The Vow Keepers, right here. Protect what you have and build what you need.
And don’t do it alone. We can’t wait to meet you on the inside!
-Kim & Cheyanne