Marriage is long; it’s for life. There are a lot of conversations – and so many that build upon one another over time. It’s of utmost importance to navigate these conversations; especially the hard ones well; in order to be sure both spouses are understood and to ensure you remain happily married for a lifetime. Instead of avoiding them or just surviving them; you can learn to thrive through the hard convos and turn them into your strengths. But, how do you do that? Today, we are happy to share with you some of our biggest secrets to thrive during your hardest conversations in marriage and habits that you can implement right away.
Habit 1 – Be calm & kind
Sounds simple; right? But, is it? When adrenaline is rushing it, it can be hard to keep your emotions in check. Don’t let your anger get the best of you. Being calm is something you do internally; and being kind is how you show it externally. Think – how do you treat strangers? It’s ok to disagree, but its not ok to disrespect.
Habit 2 – Be contemplative
Second step; after being calm and calm; Think about what your spouse is actually saying; Imagine – how could they be feeling this way – why – what are they trying to say? Aim to do this but also not defensive. When you feel stuck; this could be the time to take your gas off the pedal – approach things from your spouse’s angle. Remember; you are teammates.
Stop to ask yourself – what am I not seeing? Don’t wait on your spouse to do this first. Take the first step – we can’t control much, but we can control how we navigate and react in each conversation; When we are contemplative; we set our spouse at ease and allow them to verbally process things. It’s totally ok to let your spouse know that you understand their point of view, even if your opinion hasn’t changed. You can bring that up even after this initial conversation.
Habit 3 – Don’t seek to win, seek to RESOLVE
You may not see eye to eye on a certain topic but it doesn’t mean your marriage needs to suffer because of it. Oftentimes, it’s good that you disagree – it would be so boring if you always agreed! Aim to learn from one another and embrace how your spouse sees and experiences things differently. What can we learn from our spouses perspective? Make your marriage more important than any conversation or topic you’re discussing. Differences are inevitable but allow them to help you grow stronger and better together.
Bonus Thought – How can we become a better team because of our differences?
We can become a better team by overcoming each challenging conversation together.
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-Kim & Cheyanne Cleyman